Have you been emotionally blackmailed by the people closest to you?

If your answer is YES, this blog is for you. In the previous blog, Stages of emotional blackmail from others and ten ways to deal with it, we explained some types of emotional blackmail, and now we continue what we started,

Emotional blackmail is a painful form of controlling others through coercion. It can have a serious impact on relationships with partners, loved ones, and family members. Emotional and verbal abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse, involving insults, threats, isolation, and control. Like any form of blackmail, emotional blackmail is a crime, and the blackmailer is ultimately responsible. According to Kristen Hammond, blackmailers succeed by exploiting their target’s deepest fears, such as fear of abandonment, loneliness, or failure. Therefore, We will explain some of the behaviors of emotional blackmailers.

• They seek to control others and make apologies.
• Avoid accountability and blame others for their actions.
• Selfishness and some narcissistic tendencies.
• They don’t care about the needs of others.
• They refuse to give up or modify their desires.
• They use threats and others’ guilt or obligation to reach their goals.
• Rationalize their unreasonable demands or behaviors so that they make sense to others.
• Accusing or blaming others for something they didn’t do.
• Threatening to harm themselves or you.
•  Pretends love and attachment to the victim.

Not all emotional blackmailers are evil; they may be the people closest to us and the ones who love us the most. However, they may unconsciously try to control us using difficult-to-detect techniques, and sometimes our own behaviors make us victims to them. Let’s discuss some of the behaviors of emotional blackmail victims.

Here are ten behaviors the victims of emotional blackmail do.

1. They always strive to please others.
2. Intense empathy and tendency to pity others.
3. They accept blame from others and self-doubt.
4. They strive to avoid conflict.
5. Fear of anger, abandonment or neglect of others.
6. A strong sense of responsibility and careful dealing with others.
7. Fear of loss and a preference for surrender over hurt feelings.
8. Lack of communication with their feelings and emotional immaturity.
9. Neglecting their own needs versus the needs of others.
10. Abide by the customs of peacekeeping.

Some emotional blackmail may be of good intention from close people. Still, in the end, it is a manipulation of feelings and control of thinking and decisions through some patterns of behavior; therefore, we will explain the types of emotional blackmailers.

The various tactics used by emotional blackmailers include the Sacrificial Blackmailer, who exploits past sacrifices and remorse to compel compliance; The Punished/Threatened Blackmailer, who uses threats of punishment or deprivation to force obedience; The Silent Blackmailer, who wields the power of emotional withdrawal and silence to pressure the victim; the Self-Punishing Blackmailer, who threatens self-harm to hold the victim responsible for their “suffering”; and the Rewarded Blackmailer, who dangles enticing promises and rewards to incentivize the desired behavior. In all cases, the core objective is to make the victim feel responsible for the blackmailer’s emotional state and compel them to act against their desires and best interests. The complexity lies in distinguishing true care from calculated manipulation, especially within close personal bonds. Recognizing and breaking free from this insidious web of emotional blackmail is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and personal autonomy.

For this, We will explain how to get rid of emotional blackmail.

1. Practice saying no.
2. Reject the threat.
3. Set limits for yourself.
4. Identify and reject uncomfortable behaviors.
5. Make your message clear to others.
6. Practice not giving in to blackmailers.
7. Seek the help of Life Coach specialists.
8. Be aware of your weaknesses and be eager to change them.
9. Find out the things that make you afraid or anxious in dealing with others and try to avoid them.
10. Know the reasons behind the abusive behaviors of those and learn to refuse to repeat them.
11. Take intense action to either improve or end the relationship.
12. Find out the reasons for your emotional blackmailer compliance.
13. Learn the difference between true love, care, manipulation of emotions, and seeking personal benefit.
14. Do not comply with any request from someone that involves pressure or control what to do something that they want and that you do not wish to do.
15. That your response to someone’s request is not out of fear and insecurity or fear of rejection or paying the price in some way that makes you feel in control of that person.

Just a reminder: Sometimes, an emotional blackmailer may use these feelings without even realizing it. They may say that you are making them suffer despite their love for you, or despite everything they have done for you, or they may accuse you of being ungrateful. These behaviors can be upsetting and may make you feel like you are being controlled. Remember, you are not responsible for the needs and feelings of others, even if they are close to you. Their love for you is never an excuse to manipulate your emotions. No relationship should drain your energy, happiness, or self-satisfaction. It’s important to remember that being emotionally abused or blackmailed is not your fault, and you deserve respect and freedom without feeling pressured.

If you are a victim of emotional blackmailing and you are still suffering from their negative impact on you, coaching will help you professionally recover from these harmful effects.
Contact us to work together. call now

References: .Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship.
Forward, S. & Frazier, D. (1998). Emotional blackmail is when the people in your life use fear, commitment, and guilt to manipulate you, HarperCollins.
Johnson, R. Skip. (2015). Emotional blackmail: Fear, commitment, and guilt (FOG).