What is lack of self-love and how to get rid of it.

What is lack of Self-love and how to get rid of that feeling.

علاقة زوجية غير صحية unhealthy marital relationship

Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant.

It is necessary to realize that marriage, despite its importance in our lives for stability and building a family, is a relationship that faces challenges and disagreements. However, the constant presence of these disagreements between spouses may indicate an unhealthy marital relationship. The marital relationship is different from all relationships because it is not only a relationship between two partners, it is a relationship that results in children and affects all family members involved in the relationship, but it affects the entire society. Therefore, it is necessary to note the signs of an unhealthy relationship, which may include physical, emotional, and psychological abuse, control of the partner, and many other signs. Remember that not all unhealthy relationships show all of these signs. Even the presence of one or two of these signs does not necessarily indicate a relationship that is doomed to failure. Rather, it means paying attention and sounding the alarm bell to preserve the marital relationship and fix these problems before everything gets out of control.



In this article, we will discuss the signs of an unhealthy relationship and how to deal with them.



The meaning of unhealthy marital relationship

The objective description of an unhealthy marital relationship means any relationship in which one or both partners suffer from diverse patterns of negative interactions, such as emotional disturbance, psychological and physical dissatisfaction, and lack of satisfaction with oneself or with the partner in this relationship. This may happen because the two partners disagree about the real goal and long-term gain from this relationship, and the differences in needs, ambitions, and individual viewpoints of both parties in their relationship. It is important to realize that marital relationships are complex, and every marriage is unique. However, some factors may contribute to defining the main causes of unhealthy marriage, which manifest in many ways, and clarifying these patterns is crucial to identifying problems and seeking appropriate solutions to them.



Why does an unhealthy marriage happen?

An unhealthy marriage has reasons before the beginning of the marriage itself. Most of them are often ignored, even though they may be an indication that this relationship may be an unhealthy relationship in the future or reasons after entering into the marriage.

Let’s dig a little deeper…

First: Some factors that may occur before marriage

  • When the pre-marriage period lacks real communication between the two partners, they are content with superficial acquaintance between them and entering into marriage without knowing each other.
  • When the two partners are not at their normal nature just because the marriage is consummated.
  •  When the two partners do not discuss their feelings, fears, and expectations in the relationship honestly and transparently.
  • When entering into marriage because of external pressures (such as societal norms, and family expectations).
  •  Entering into marriage must be out of fear of loneliness, or an attempt to escape from other problems.
  •  The marriage must be entered into to escape from previous emotional experiences or to form a family without caring about the partner in the relationship.
  •  The values or life goals are not identical, and the two parties do not share them, nor do they have similar values or visions for the future.

Second: The causes of an unhealthy marital relationship after marriage

  1.  Marital infidelity, as it leads to the erosion of trust between the two partners, which is extremely important for a healthy marital relationship.
  2. Emotional or physical abuse, which includes behaviors such as hitting, screaming, or insults.
  3. Belittling the partner and making the partner feel worthless.
  4. Deliberately making the partner feel afraid, and lacking security in the relationship.
  5.  Lack of communication and inability to talk about feelings.
  6.  Not discussing problems or concerns, prevents spouses from addressing the basic issues between them.
  7. Constant criticism between spouses and catching mistakes.
  8. Lack of respect between the two partners or lack of appreciation for the other person’s opinions.
  9. Continuously ignoring small problems and accumulating resentment between them.
  10. Excessive jealousy, possessiveness, and suspicion destroy the relationship.
  11.  Exchanging accusations between the two parties and abandoning responsibilities.
  12.  Isolation from friends or family and forcing one of the partners to give up his social interactions.
  13.  Dishonesty, lying, loss of trust, or concealment of important information between spouses, and concealment of facts that affect one or both partners or children, such as financial level or genetic diseases.
  14.  Negativity in the relationship, constant conflict, and refusal to address problems from the beginning, lead to their accumulation.
  15. Lack of intimate relationship, unless this is mutually agreed upon.
  16.  Decrease in emotional and physical closeness and lack of mutual empathy.
  17. Continuous preference to spend time apart from each other and not spend time together.
  18. Excessive interest in others and interest in joint activities between them.
  19. Procrastination and rejection of compromise solutions in the relationship leave problems unaddressed.
  20.  One or both partners ignore the personal boundaries between them and do not respect privacy.
  21. Manipulative behaviors include making the partner feel guilty, playing the victim, or trying to control the other person’s actions or emotions.
  22. Excessive or abuse of drugs or alcohol, leads to tension in the marital relationship, especially if it leads to neglectful or abusive behavior.
  23. The impact of some personal issues, past traumas, or mental or emotional health problems that one of the partners may have been exposed to and not addressed on the dynamics of the marriage.
  24. Financial pressure and debt are common sources of tension in relationships.
  25. Failure to fulfill promises, procrastination, and searching for excuses for not meeting the partner’s needs.



Negative effects resulting from unhealthy marital relationship:

  1. Physical health: Constant stress and conflict can lead to health problems such as high blood pressure, insomnia, and headaches, or even more serious conditions such as heart disease, cancer, and immunodeficiency.
  2.  Poor decision-making: Chronic stress in a relationship can affect judgment and make it difficult to make objective decisions.
  3.  Impact on children: Conflict at home leads to emotional, behavioral, and educational problems for children. They may also struggle to form healthy relationships in the future.
  4. Financial pressure: Conflicts over financial resources or pressure resulting from an unhealthy relationship lead to poor decisions in money management, which results in economic instability for the family.
  5. Isolation: People who live in toxic relationships isolate themselves from friends and family, either because of their partner’s controlling behavior or because of shame and dissatisfaction with themselves. People who live in unhealthy relationships often suffer from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
  6. Decrease in the self-worth of a family member or the entire family due to constant criticism or emotional abuse over time.



Solutions to unhealthy marital relationships

If you think you are in an unhealthy relationship, consider the following steps:

  1. Self-awareness: Admit to yourself that the relationship is unhealthy and ask yourself whether this relationship is compatible with your values and long-term goals. And think about the possibility that you and your partner could be better off.
  2. Open communication: Discuss your feelings and fears with your partner. Sometimes, relationship counseling can provide tools to rebuild your bond.
  3. Set boundaries: Clearly define acceptable behaviors and unacceptable behaviors. Communicate your boundaries and be firm about them.
  4. Educate yourself: Learn about the signs of an unhealthy relationship, such as controlling behavior, emotional or physical abuse, constant criticism, disrespect, or ignoring boundaries.
  5. Be safe: If you are at risk of violence, seek immediate help. There are many hotlines and shelters designed to help individuals in abusive relationships. Contact emergency services in your country.
  6. Develop an exit strategy: If the relationship is harmful, plan a safe way to leave, especially if there is a risk of physical harm.
  7. Prioritize self-care: Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem, reduce stress, and promote healing, such as exercise, meditation, or journaling.
  8. Make a decision: If you feel that the relationship is beyond repair or not worth the effort to save, consider ending it. Remember that it is essential to prioritize your well-being.
  9.  Rebuilding and recovering: If you decide to end the relationship, take time to heal and rediscover yourself. Surround yourself with supportive people, participate in activities that bring you joy, and consider joining a support group or therapy to process the experience.
  10. Learning and Growth: Reflect on the relationship and understand the patterns that led to unhealthy dynamics. This can help you avoid similar patterns in future relationships.
  11. Seek professional help: A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, coping strategies, and a safe space to express feelings.




Although the importance and role of relationships are subjective matters and can vary greatly from one person to another. Therefore, understanding and thinking about an individual’s needs and desires helps in overcoming the complexities of human relationships because the real goal and long-term gain of relationships in our lives is personal growth, maturity, and emotional support. Because we, as social beings, thrive with the emotional intimacy and security that comes from close, healthy relationships and a sense of belonging because it is essential. For our mental and physical health as well. Therefore, individuals in unhealthy relationships should seek support, whether through friends, family, life coaches, or helplines, because they provide guidance and tools to improve the relationship and help individuals decide on the best course of action for their lives. Always remember that everyone deserves respect, kindness, and a healthy relationship and that relationships that last are relationships in which you are yourself and there is no artificiality or imitation of a certain character. 

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, it is essential to prioritize your well-being and take the necessary steps toward a happier and better future.



Contact us.





Sources and references

      • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

      • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / البث 4619494 .

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

    ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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