Do we compare ourselves to others?

Yes, we all compare ourselves to others. From a young age, we learn and imitate those around us. We use others as a reference for our behavior and acceptance in society, constantly evaluating ourselves against different standards. We often come across people who appear luckier, more financially stable, more beautiful, more successful, more knowledgeable, and happier than we are. The problem is that comparison is often an involuntary feeling, leading us to desire things that others have, even if we don’t have the same potential or even if we don’t like those things. This creates an illusion in our minds without being aware of other aspects of their lives. We compare in areas such as wealth, possessions, power, health, children’s education, physical appearance, charisma, talent, and relationships, leading us to live in a never-ending cycle of comparisons.

For example

• Why is my friend prettier than me?

• Why can’t I be as attractive as actresses?

• Why can’t I be as macho as a wrestler?

• Why can’t I be handsome and be surrounded by beautiful women?

• Why is my wife not like the wife of so-and-so?

• Or why my husband wouldn’t be like a husband of so-and-so?

And you find yourself trapped in a circle of comparisons, mixed with a dynamic sense of low self-esteem, incompetence, entitlement, unfairness, and indignity in life. The question is: “Is every comparison annoying or harmful?” The answer is no. That’s the opinion of psychologist Leon Festinger, who founded the social comparison theory in 1954. He explains that every human being’s internal motivation to compare themselves to others serves two purposes. First, people compare themselves to reduce uncertainty, and second, to define themselves. Humans cannot represent themselves independently, especially when it comes to defining their identity or self. Comparison is a healthy, valuable, and essential driver of human development. However, problems arise when the results of the comparison are not in our favor. At that point, comparison changes from a means of self-development into a self-sabotage trap. Unconsciously imitating others and considering someone else as a consistent model leads us to judge ourselves, especially during the age of social media. This can make us use superficial measurements to assess our value in front of ourselves and others, quickly falling into the trap of self-sabotage. It might even lead us to diminish our self-worth or find happiness in the suffering and failure of others, creating an illusory self-sufficiency. The problem of comparison with others depends on two sources: one internal to ourselves and the other external to the environment. And we’re going to show the exporters.

Internal Source

1- Believing that comparison is the effective way to prove to ourselves that we are on the right track. 

2-  The Feeling of safe because we’re similar to those around us.

3-  The Feeling of inferiority or delay if we’re not the same around us.

4- Mental immaturity to distinguish between possibilities and desires.

5- Our endorsement of the glamorous image that others have released to us.

6- Denying the value of our strength and inner happiness

External Source

1– The spread of Social Media and the appearance of others as idealists is far from realist. 

2- Failure to declare moments of human vulnerability or failure.

3– Dissemination by others of inaccurate information on the reasons for their success or their joy.

4- Misleading media information and links the inner feeling of happiness to financial wealth in an exaggerated way.

Result of unfavorable comparison with others:

1-Generate a feeling of jealousy and hatred for others and enter into a permanent internal psychological race with them.

 2- The Missing the pleasure of what you have.

3– Self-flagellation or consuming the true self in pursuit of the achievements of others and neglecting your ambitions.

4- Self-injustice to place your weaknesses in front of other people’s strengths

5- The Constant feeling of disappointment and defeat for not achieving your actual goals.

6- Distraction from what’s right for you to develop your own goals

7- Misconceptions result in ignoring your strengths and other people’s weaknesses.

8- Sense of unfairness in life and loss of trust in others, and a constant sense of danger.

9- The dependence of comparison with others on superficial information without awareness of the fundamental reasons and factors of success that others followed in succeeding.

10– Feeling less proud of your accomplishments and reducing your sense of success in yourself.

You don’t know what other people are going through; you only see their appearance, appearance is deceiving, and apparent happiness is not an accurate indicator Don’t be like the kid who wants to play with his friend’s toys without knowing his needs or abilities because your life choices aren’t toys, and you’re not a kid. Get away from the idea of comparison and turn it into a goal of particular interest think about how you want to be seek your plan and determine your path.

How to stop unfavorable comparison with others:

1- Recognize the difference between unfavorable comparison and healthy competition.

2- Reconcile with yourself and be grateful for what you have.

3- Take care of your life and get busy feeling peaceful and safe for yourself.

4- Hold on to your good qualities and the singularity that distinguishes you from others.

5– Accept yourself and the necessity of accepting that there are shortcomings in your life and personality.

6- Stop following others on social media pages and don’t waste your time with unearned comparisons, and use the time to your advantage.

7- Be aware that your life is yours, and you are responsible for its development.

8- Care about your achievements and needs and make yourself a goal or a hobby that evokes your passion for life.

9- Do not compare what you have achieved in a short time with what others have done in many years, ignoring their years of suffering and efforts to reach what they dream.

10– Deal with failure as lessons learned to make alternative plans to reach your goals.

11- Be aware that there is no real success without effort, suffer, and long-term planning.

12- Be happy for other people’s successes so you can keep yourself from being compared.

13- Use the comparison as a catalyst for the competitor and continue to pursue your goals realistically.

14- Devote your time to your ambitions and not keep in the middle watching the success of others.

15- Communicate with successful and talented people. 

You’re not too late in life, but your journey and potential are different from others. You’re a unique person, not to be compared to anyone else, and you are important in life. Comparisons are traps that can destroy ambition. The only comparison you need to make is with yourself. Compare yourself today to your past self, and ask who you want to be tomorrow and what you want people to remember about you. That is the measure. You will never reach a point where you are better than everyone in everything.

So,

If you are in the trap of comparison and find your days wasted from you because of comparison with others,

We’re here to work together.

Call us

References

1. As author Kayla Buell, founder of the Gen Y Life Counseling website.

2. Jennifer Chesak’s article “How Life Managers Helped Me Break Free from Comparison” at healthline.com