Why would I do this to myself ?!

Why did I have to act against myself ?!

YOU and I must have said this sentence to ourselves more than once in our lives. The constant pursuit of success and happiness is a normal feeling for everyone. Striving for perfection in life, relationships, or even appearance is a crucial desire for us. So, it would be strange if you destroyed an opportunity for happiness or success with premeditation, awareness, and planning at times through some behaviors and emotions that prevent you from taking advantage of any chance to improve your life or satisfaction with yourself. Then put yourself in a cycle of actions, behaviors, and feelings that result in problems and difficulties that impede your life, and all the consequences of it go against your desires and goals. Some resort to considering it bad luck or a moody desire due to the bad pressures of life, but in fact, it is a powerful trap called self-sabotage. Self-sabotage definition is every action, behavior, or feeling against your positive goals in your life or any sense that makes you act against your interest or against what you want. Summarized by a sentence, “Why do I do this to myself? Why am I an enemy of myself?!” Self-hostile is a form of self-sabotage. It has some behaviors like postponement, making excuses, justifications for wrong behavior, anger, nervousness, overeating, drug addiction, feeling unworthy or inferior, etc.

The danger of Self-hostile is:

Continuously engaging in dishonest behaviors leads to adverse situations and persistent negative feelings. Consequently, your self-confidence and belief in your ability to succeed diminish, and the feeling that you don’t deserve happiness can perpetually dominate your life.

Reasons for self-hostility:

• Negative words from parents to children in early childhood.
• Lack of psychological security since childhood or at any age.
• Feeling unsatisfied with your achievements or your abilities.
• Getting used to the negatives in life and the scarcity of happiness or positive feelings in general.
• Despair of progress or success and comparing yourself to others.
• Repetition of internal or external events that bring back feelings of hostility to yourself
• Feeling that you are a victim of the outside world or under others’ control.
• Self-deception and convincing yourself that there are no solutions to your suffering. 
• Fear or worry about any change in your life and consider failure as the only possibility.
• Control your actions and direct yourself to avoid being beneficial to you.

How can you be a friend to yourself?

• Accept the inability to change the past, including its negative experiences, and realize that it gives you the expertise to succeed in the future.
•  Identify, recognize, and limit self-hostile thoughts.
•  Be aware of the fundamental reasons that make us respond to our negative inner voices, not to become victims of ourselves.
•  Be good to others, control your thoughts firmly, and choose the positive only to act as you like.
•  Avoid internal or environmental stimuli that cause self-hostile thoughts.
•  Direct your feelings positively, and stop making justifications or excuses.
•  Acknowledge the importance of inner positivity and that life does not control you, but you who hold life.
•  Get rid of the usual negative behaviors and find new ways to make you act as positive as you wish.
•  Face your fears, get rid of their causes, know your self-worth, and be aware that you deserve the best.
•  Develop realistic plans before implementation and realize that success requires a lot of effort, skills, and capabilities.

Therefore, Not every negative emotion is terrible, Because sometimes negative feelings can benefit from, as it gives us some signs and instructions that guide us to the ways and behaviors we need to improve our lives and restore our happiness. You are in this world to be happy and productive, be a loyal friend to yourself.

If you suffer from self-hostility, contact us.

References: Your Achilles Eel book.By / Mike Bundrant, MCC / Co-founder  and Master Trainer iNLP Center( INLP center )