why does the disappearance of love after marriage?

disappearance of love after marriage اختفاء الحب بعد الزواج

Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

3 May، 2021

Many couples wonder why the disappearance of love after marriage.

The love became a mountain between the spouses, even in marriages that began with a romantic love story.

This is often due to a lack of awareness of the difference between love before and after marriage.

Love before marriage:

Couple Love Happy Romance Romantic  - meduzakos / Pixabay

1- Feeling happiness and expressing gratitude for the existence of each in the life of the other.

2- Satisfaction with the relationship with the partner mixed with feelings of sexual desire and intimacy.

3 – A feeling of longing deep in the heart and true affection.

Of course, it is beautiful to marry the person you loved, despite these incredible feelings of love before marriage; it is nothing more than a step that requires a lot of effort to keep the feeling of love forever in your marriage life.

 Love after marriage :

1- Crystallizes into more profound and intimate forms such as compassion, friendliness, acceptance, and love, which turns into a promise of stability and safety in life.

Old People Couple Together  - Huskyherz / Pixabay

2- Love turns into a good value that encourages us, good communication, and overlooks some of what we hate, aware that the partner deserves our sacrifice and our giving.

3- After marriage, love is created by awareness and maturity and he made our minds aware of our behaviors to increase that created our desire for happiness.

Some signs of the disappearance of love after marriage:

1- Reducing the romantic expectations between spouses by half or less.

2- A feeling of mutual frustration between spouses for not meeting each partner’s needs and desires, which is generally expected.

3- The wife gave up her role as a lover and was satisfied with her motherhood and caring for the family.

4-The husband abandoned his role as a lover and was satisfied with his fatherhood and the source of the family’s income.

5- Seeking compensation for their lost dreams in an unhealthy marital relationship through work exhaustion, ambitions, or ending the relationship by divorce or infidelity.

Wedding Refusal Sorry Repentance  - MARTYSEB / Pixabay

6- Or the matter ends with the spouses being satisfied with familiarity, raising children, or fear of loneliness as common causes that bring them together, that was in the best case.

Reasons for the disappearance of love after marriage:

Usually, love disappears for many reasons; some of them are imaginary, and some of them are realistic; we will explain some of them now,

 The delusional reasons:

Reasons for the disappearance of love after marriage:

Usually, love disappears for many reasons; some of them are imaginary, and some of them are realistic; we will explain some of them now,

 The delusional reasons:

1-Some hereditary cultures, such as marriage, are the cemetery of love.

Game Bachelor Bachelorette Party  - geralt / Pixabay

2-  After childbearing and increasing responsibilities, love disappears.

3- The effect of cinematic drama and media in instilling an exaggerated or distorted concept of marital life.

4- The disappearance of love as soon as you leave celibacy and move to marriage.

5- Marriage is a bond that steals freedom or kills love.

6- Misconception of one or both spouses that the feelings of initial love remain the same after marriage.

7- Spouses’ fantasies that a partner is a perfect person without defects.

8- Imagine complete happiness will be born, determined by the wedding, and will remain forever a honeymoon.

The real reasons:

1-The absence of true love from the beginning with no distinction between love, admiration, or temporary amazement.

2- Rushing in the decision to marry due to fear of remaining unmarried or feeling lonely.

3- The main goal of marriage is to have children or meet biological needs without concern for the feelings between the spouses.

4- The impossible expectations, whether financial or emotional, that spouses carry to their homes.

5- The collision of husbands with the realities and responsibilities of daily and marital life that were absent from their minds in the drunkenness of love.

Honor Memory Remembrance Memorial  - ZIPNON / Pixabay

6-Ignoring the importance of parity between spouses while imagining that love alone can transcend the difference of ideas, culture, or lifestyles.

7. – Insufficient expectations for spouses to accept each other or to change the disturbing temperament in any of them.

8- Feeling disappointed while denying responsibility for the wrong choices in the marriage between spouses.

9 – Lack of interest in love and putting it under routine, money, or habituation.

10- The negative impact on the spouses due to their worries and the problems and the lack of tranquility between them.

11- Deliberate wrong behavior by one or both spouses, such as lying, betrayal, or insulting and stinginess.

12 – Underestimating the spouses to each other by hunting mistakes and constant criticism.

13- When the spouses stopped doing nice things to each other or neglecting the partner’s big family.

14 – Abandonment of one of the spouses from his responsibilities towards the partner or did not support him humanely under challenging times or illnesses.

Boy Girl Relationship Emotions Sad  - HaticeEROL / Pixabay

15- Lack of privacy between spouses and disclosure of their privacy to others.

16- The blink and the comparisons between the others and the spouses and the absence of communication and tranquility between them.

17- Hiding facts or diseases that may impact the children or partner, or marriage as a project for life.

18- Irrational reactions and immature feelings between spouses.

19- Lack of respect and the absence of a decent style of talk between spouses.

20- Losing spiritual harmony between the spouses and ignoring the differences in thinking or expressing feelings and emotions between them as a man and a woman.

If you have any of these signs above, coaching will help you return to your love and feelings.

In the end:

Couple Happy Gift Man Woman  - 7089643 / Pixabay

We must admit that love and romance between spouses is a legitimate and inevitable right and that seeking it requires the desire and will of both spouses and we realize that his survival in our life as a couple requires sincerity, confidence, and persistence in good behavior, and also requires patience and wisdom over life’s challenges to keep love eternal and deep between us as a spouse.

Life is worth it, but above all, you deserve a happy life.

If you miss the feelings of love or romance in your marriage and you want to live happily with your partner,

We are here to work together.

 Contact us


Sources and references

      • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

      • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / البث 4619494 .

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

    ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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