Disadvantages of negative comparison and 15 ways to avoid it

المقارنه السلبيه negative comparison
shaharsherifcoaching.

Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

24 August، 2021

Do you compare yourself to others?

Do I compare myself to others?

Double Personality Psychology  - nicolagiordano / Pixabay

The answer is, Yes, We Do.

All of us compare ourselves to others because, from a young age, we have been imitating and learning from those around us and using others as a reference and guide for our behavior and acceptance in society and looking for standard or different aspects with them evaluate ourselves.

We experience people who seem to be luckier, more financially, more beautiful, more successful, more informed, and happier than we are.

Algorithm Mockup Pictures  - geralt / Pixabay

The crisis is that, for the most part, the comparison is an involuntary feeling, and ideas that enter our minds make us want things that others have even if we don’t have their potential or even if we don’t like them.

It becomes the illusion that we create in our minds without any awareness of other aspects of their lives.

Comparisons occur in money, property, power, health, the educational level of children, beauty in the face or body, charisma, talent, and couples, and we live in an endless series of comparisons.

For example,

  • Why is my friend prettier than me?
  • Why can’t I be as attractive as actresses?
  • Why can’t I be as macho as a wrestler?
  • Why can’t I be handsome and be surrounded by beautiful women?
  • Why is my wife not like the wife of so-and-so?
  • Or why my husband wouldn’t be like a husband of so-and-so?

And you find yourself trapped in a circle of comparisons, mixed with a dynamic sense of low self-esteem, incompetence, entitlement, unfairness, and indignity in life.

The question is: Is every comparison annoying or harmful?

The answer is, No.

That’s the opinion of psychologist Leon Festinger, founder of the social comparison theory in 1954, who explains that every human being’s internal motivation to compare himself to every person is for two reasons.

Scale Question Importance Balance  - qimono / Pixabay

First,

They compare themselves to reduce uncertainty in the ways

Second,

To know how to define themselves because humans cannot represent themselves independently, especially defining identity or self.

It is a healthy, valuable, and essential driver of human development.

But the problem happens when the results of the comparison are not in our favor.

Then the comparison changes from a means of self-development into a self-sabotage trap.

Keywords Change Fish Individuality  - mohamed_hassan / Pixabay

Unconscious imitation of others and considering the other as a consistent model make us judge ourselves, especially at that time in social media, which makes us use superficial measurements to measure our value in front of ourselves and others and get into the trap of self-sabotage quickly.

It may even make us reduce our self-worth or be happy with the suffering and failure of others to feel illusory self-sufficiency.

The problem of comparison with others depends on two sources, one internal to ourselves and the other external to the environment.

And we’re going to show the exporters.

Internal Source

1- Believing that comparison is the effective way to prove to ourselves that we are on the right track.

A Question Do Not Know Doubt Well  - dadaworks / Pixabay

2-  The Feeling of safe because we’re similar to those around us.

3-  The Feeling of inferiority or delay if we’re not the same around us.

4- Mental immaturity to distinguish between possibilities and desires.

5- Our endorsement of the glamorous image that others have released to us.

6- Denying the value of our strength and inner happiness

External Source

1– The spread of Social Media and the appearance of others as idealists is far from realist.

2- Failure to declare moments of human vulnerability or failure.

3– Dissemination by others of inaccurate information on the reasons for their success or their joy.

4- Misleading media information and links the inner feeling of happiness to financial wealth in an exaggerated way.

Result of unfavorable comparison with others:

1-Generate a feeling of jealousy and hatred for others and enter into a permanent internal psychological race with them.

 2- The Missing the pleasure of what you have.

3– Self-flagellation or consuming the true self in pursuit of the achievements of others and neglecting your ambitions.

4- Self-injustice to place your weaknesses in front of other people’s strengths

5- The Constant feeling of disappointment and defeat for not achieving your actual goals.

Yes No Opportunity Decision Woman  - geralt / Pixabay

6- Distraction from what’s right for you to develop your own goals

7- Misconceptions result in ignoring your strengths and other people’s weaknesses.

8- Sense of unfairness in life and loss of trust in others, and a constant sense of danger.

9- The dependence of comparison with others on superficial information without awareness of the fundamental reasons and factors of success that others followed in succeeding.

10– Feeling less proud of your accomplishments and reducing your sense of success in yourself.

You don’t know what other people are going through; you only see the appearance, the appearance is deceiving, and apparent happiness is not an accurate indicator.

Don’t be like the kid who wants to play with his friend’s toys without knowing his needs or abilities because your life choices aren’t toys, and you’re not a kid.

Get away from the idea of comparison and turn it into a goal of particular interest and think about how you want to be and seek your plan and determine your path.

How to stop unfavorable comparison with others:

1- Recognizing the difference between unfavorable comparison and healthy competition.

2- Reconcile yourself and be grateful for what you have.

3- Take care of your life, ignore it, and get busy feeling excellent and safe for yourself.

4- Hold on to your good qualities and the singularity that distinguishes you from others.

5– Accept yourself and the necessity of accepting that there are shortcomings in your life and personality.

6- Stop following others on social media pages and don’t waste your time with unearned comparisons, and use the time to your advantage.

7- Be aware that your life is yours, and you are responsible for its development.

Girls Posing Laughter Laugh  - Victoria_Borodinova / Pixabay

8- Care about your achievements and needs and make yourself a goal or a hobby that evokes your passion for life

9- Do not compare what you have achieved in a short time with what others have done in many years, ignoring their years of suffering and efforts to reach what they dream.

10– Dealing with failure as lessons learned to make alternative plans to reach your goals.

11- Be aware that there is no real success without effort, suffer, and long-term planning.

12-Cheer up for other people’s successes so you can keep yourself from being compared.

13- Use the comparison as a catalyst for the competitor and continue to pursue your goals realistically.

14- Devote your time to your ambitions and not keep in the middle watching the success of others.

15-Communicate with successful and talented people.

You’re not too late in your life, but your journey and potential are different from others.

You’re a unique person, not compared to anyone, and critical in life.

Consumption Energy Electricity  - PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

Comparisons are traps that destroy ambition.

The only comparison you have to maintain is,

When You compare yourself today to yourself in the past, ask yourself who you want to be tomorrow and what things you want people to remember about you. That is the measure.

You will never get to the point where you are better than everyone in everything.

Change Switch Arrows Rethinking  - geralt / Pixabay

So,

If you are in the trap of comparison and find your days wasted from you because of comparison with others,

We’re here to work together.

Call us

If you like our blog, we’d be happy to share it.

References,

1. As author Kayla Buell, founder of the Gen Y Life Counseling website, says. Blog.

2. Jennifer Chesak’s article “How Life Managers Helped Me Break Free from Comparison” at healthline.com

 

Sources and references

      • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

      • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / 1.8.14.0. البث 4619494 .

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

    ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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