19 behaviors that kill love and 14 rules to renew it


Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

12 May، 2021

We must agree that marriage is a unique relationship between spouses. We cannot be predicted their feelings and actions during their marital relationship before the marriage becomes a reality.

Couple Young People Boy Beard Girl  - Candid_Shots / Pixabay

As feelings and behaviors before marriage became different from those after the wedding.

We also agree that the feelings of love may be born without clear reasons, but they die with precise, logical reasoning.

But the fact is that love dies due to the unfair behaviors from the spouses after marriage.

There are two ways of dying love after marriage:

The first way,The willful love killing:

When spouses  or one of them deliberately continue some negative behaviors, such as:

1- Marital infidelity.

Extramarital relations, whatever their forms, lead to losing trust and the love bond. 

 2-Marital violence.

Couple Love Boy And Girl Boyfriends  - Claudio_Scott / Pixabay

If any of the spouses intentionally insults or belittles his partner, love dies in the partner’s heart.

 3- Addiction. 

 Any kind of behavioral or chemical addiction from one of the spouses can kill love no matter what. The addict becomes dangerous in the family and loses the personality that was a partner for life or dreams for the future.

4- Consuming feelings. 

If the spouse depended on his partner,s love balance or expected eternal forgiveness, he made the issues that led his partner not to give, sacrifice, or forgive.

5- Selfishness.

The exploitation from any partner’ financially or physically, takes possession of benefits and considers all sacrifices earned with ignoring the other partner’s needs.

 6-  The lying.

Silhouette Sorry Forgive Angry  - mohamed_hassan / Pixabay

Lying or Lack of honesty or concealment of facts that may affect the marriage or the spouse ends the security in the relationship and kills love.


Stinginess is one of the human faults that make love disappear forever. It is not limited to financial, but rather to showing feelings of love and compassion, which may deprive the partner of love security, intimacy, and marital warmth perhaps more than economic deprivation.

 8- the feelings neglection.

Some spouses are preoccupied with external social relationships with family or friends and Ignore the importance of the partner’s priority. 

9 – Lack of conversations.

Lack of conversation, marital silence, and failure to express the feelings or needs of spouses are among the most important causes of the death of love and divorce.

 The second way, The euthanasia of love:

Usually, it is due to the spouses’ lack of awareness of the reasons for the disappearance of love or hatred between them.

Desperate Hand In Front Of Face  - tobiaswahl / Pixabay

 Some of its causes:

 1- Boredom.

That is when life and relationship are devoid of renewal and excitement.

2-The Marital responsibilities and burdens.

When responsibilities abound, husbands were not mature enough to face the challenges of daily life with active participation and conscious behaviors.

Man Old Senior Disappointment  - geralt / Pixabay

 3-  The Marital routine.

Marital life is similar to days that lose the pulse, and the routine takes hold. The spouses search for anything that breaks boredom, such as exaggerated shopping or searching for relationships outside marriage, and turns into a volcano that explodes love.

4- Emotional emptiness

Marriage is to bridge emotional gaps, get revenge, or replace one relationship with another that ends the relationship and fails. It is a delusional feeling to break the loneliness and an illusory sense of security on incorrect grounds.

5- Moodiness in dealing.

The moody attitude of one of the spouses gradually kills the love because the unexpected and unjustified fluctuations in behavior or reactions nullify any law governing the relationship.

6- The bullying.

Bullying prevents reassurance and emotional stability because it is a one-way relationship in which there is no participation. There is a controlling person who commands, and a controlled person executes the orders.

7-Exaggerated expectations.

Save Planet Ecology Earth  - Tumisu / Pixabay

Loading feelings of love is the burden of imaginative expectations and immature dreams that may exceed the available potential of spouses, killing love.

8- Lack of parity between spouses.

Love dies gradually due to the inability to overcome the spouses’ mental, social or psychological differences.

9- Marriage does not achieve its goals.  When love or marriage is with a specific purpose, such as childbearing, forming a family, or financial support. Neither spouse gets what he wants, which may make him not see other advantages in his partner.

10- Escape from responsibility.

Spouses’ failure to assume responsibility for the relationship’s success buries love under feelings of frustration and disappointment.

The awareness of love in a marriage made words like ( love is blind, and marriage is sighted) a vital sign to us of the importance of our behaviors and terms that remain on love in our marriage. This is what a good couple does.

Couple Romantic Relationship  - 7089643 / Pixabay

Ways to renewing love after marriage:

1- Spousal awareness and concern for their feelings and increase them with good behaviors.

2- Good communication between them and dealing with life’s issues with awareness and compassion.

3- Maintaining mutual understanding to support the love.

4- Mutual fidelity because trust makes spouses collaborative to build their future.

5- Generosity in financial dealings, the reassurance of the two parties, not being miserly, and being keen on the value of each other, and that he deserves happiness and security.

6- Commitment to deepening love and interest in various ways that deepen the bond between spouses.

7- Gratitude and appreciation for his values ​​are what everyone gives to his partner.

8- Balance the relationship and adhere to every common thing between the spouses.

9 – deciding to have a happy marriage and get rid of negative feelings.

10- Every other time, priorities must be re-arranged to continue the mutual success.

11- Realism in dealing and devising new ways to show your love.

12- Taking vacations, traveling to new places, and undertaking new activities.

13- Tolerance with rationality, love, and acceptance of natural differences.

14-Finally, seek help from a specialist such as a Life Coach or a family relationships consultant to provide you with innovative and fast solutions to preserve love, or you may find the life coach has an actual diagnosis of the problem.

Couple Young People In Love Girl  - Candid_Shots / Pixabay

In the end,

Marriage is not the graveyard of love, but our lousy behaviors kill love. We are the ones who revive or kill love. The death of love after marriage is a negative phrase. We need to convert it to a positive term that stimulates us to be aware and attentive to our behaviors and words with our life partners.

If your feelings of love have value in your married life and do not know how to regain your love? There is good news that you still have the opportunity. I will help you to get in your life. It is my specialty.

Contact us to work together.

If you like our blog, we are happy to share it.


Sources and references

      • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

      • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / البث 4619494 .

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

    ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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