19 Behaviors That Kill Love and 14 Rules to Renew It.

كتب بواسطة: Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

16/09/2024

4 + 7 =

We must agree that marriage is a unique relationship between spouses. We cannot predict their feelings and behaviors during the marital relationship before marriage becomes a reality, as the emotions and behaviors before marriage differ from those after the wedding. 

We also agree that feelings of love can arise without clear reasons, but they can die for precise logical reasons. However, the truth is that love often dies due to unfair behaviors between spouses after marriage.

There are two ways in which love can die after marriage:

The first way: Intentional Killing of Love:

When one or both spouses intentionally persist in certain negative behaviors, such as:

  1. Infidelity:
    Extramarital relationships, regardless of their forms, lead to a loss of trust and the bond of love.

  2. Domestic Violence:
    If one spouse intentionally insults or belittles their partner, love dies in the heart of the affected spouse.

  3. Addiction:
    Any type of behavioral or chemical addiction from one spouse can kill love no matter what happens. The addict becomes a danger to the family and loses the personality that was once a partner in life or shared dreams for the future.

  • Emotional Exhaustion:
    If one spouse relies on their partner’s love balance or expectations of eternal forgiveness, they create issues that lead their partner to stop giving, sacrificing, or forgiving.

  • Selfishness:
    Exploiting a partner financially or physically, seizing benefits, and disregarding the other partner’s needs diminishes love.

  • Lying:
    Dishonesty, deceit, or concealing truths that may impact the marriage or spouse undermines security in the relationship and kills love.

  • Stinginess:
    Stinginess is a human flaw that can cause love to fade away forever. It’s not just about financial matters; withholding expressions of love and compassion can deprive a partner of emotional security, intimacy, and warmth even more than economic deprivation.

  • Neglecting Emotions:
    Some couples become preoccupied with external social relationships with family or friends, neglecting the importance of prioritizing their partner.

  • Lack of Communication:
    Insufficient conversation, marital silence, and failure to express feelings or needs are among the most significant reasons for the death of love and divorce.

 

 

The second way: Euthanasia of Love:

This is often due to the couple’s unawareness of the reasons for the decline of love or the emergence of hatred between them. Some of its causes include:

1-Boredom.

This happens when life and relationships lack renewal and excitement.

  1. Responsibilities and Marital Burdens:
    When responsibilities increase, couples may not be mature enough to face the challenges of daily life with effective participation and conscious behaviors.

  2. Marital Routine:
    Married life can become monotonous, leading to a loss of vitality. Couples may seek anything to break the boredom, such as excessive shopping or seeking extramarital relationships, which can ultim

  3. ately erupt into a crisis that destroys love.

  4. Emotional Void:
    Marriage should fill emotional gaps, but when it becomes a means of revenge or replacing one relationship with another, it often leads to failure. This creates a false sense of security, alleviating loneliness for the wrong reasons.

  5. Moodiness in Interaction:
    The unpredictable and unjustified mood swings of one spouse gradually kill love, as these fluctuations undermine any rules governing the relationship.

  6. Bullying:
    Bullying prevents emotional security and stability, as it becomes a one-sided relationship with no mutual participation. One partner gives orders while the other follows.

  1. Exaggerated Expectations:
    Loading love with unrealistic expectations and immature dreams that exceed the couple’s available capabilities can kill love.

  2. Inequality Between Spouses:
    Love gradually dies due to the inability to overcome psychological, social, or emotional differences between the spouses.

  3. Marriage Fails to Achieve Its Goals:
    When love or marriage is intended for a specific purpose, such as procreation, starting a family, or financial support, and neither spouse gets what they want, they may fail to see other merits in their partner.

  4. Escape from Responsibility:
    The importance of a successful relationship can bury love under feelings of frustration and disappointment.

Awareness of love in marriage has turned phrases like “love is blind, but marriage sees” into a vital reminder of the importance of our behaviors and conditions that sustain love in our marriage. This is what good couples do.

Ways to Renew Love After Marriage:

  1. Awareness of Spouses:
    Both partners should be aware of each other’s feelings and enhance their relationship with positive behaviors.

  2. Effective Communication:
    Engaging in open communication and addressing life issues with awareness and empathy.

  3. Mutual Understanding:
    Maintaining mutual understanding to support love.

  4. Reciprocal Loyalty:
    Trust enables spouses to collaborate in building their future together.

  5. Financial Generosity:
    Ensuring both partners feel secure, avoiding stinginess, and valuing each other’s happiness and safety.

  6. Commitment to Deepening Love:
    Actively seeking ways to strengthen the bond between spouses.

  7. Gratitude and Appreciation:
    Showing appreciation for what each partner brings to the relationship.

  8. Balance in the Relationship:
    Committing to shared responsibilities and decisions.

  9. Decision for a Happy Marriage:
    Choosing to foster positivity and let go of negative feelings.

  10. Reassessing Priorities:
    Regularly rearranging priorities to ensure mutual success.

  11. Realism in Interaction:
    Being realistic and finding new ways to express love.

  12. Taking Breaks and Traveling:
    Exploring new places and engaging in new activities together.

  13. Forgiveness with Rationality and Love:
    Accepting natural differences and practicing forgiveness.

  14. Seeking Professional Help:
    Consulting a Life Coach or family relationship advisor for innovative and quick solutions to maintain love, or to gain a proper diagnosis of any issues.

In Conclusion

Marriage is not the grave of love; rather, our poor behaviors can kill it. We are the ones who can revive or extinguish love. The death of love after marriage is a negative notion, and we must transform it into a positive term that encourages us to be aware of our actions and words with our life partners.

If your feelings of love hold value in your marital life and you don’t know how to reclaim that love, there’s good news: you still have the opportunity. I can help you navigate this journey—it’s my specialty.

Contact us to work together.

If you enjoyed our blog, we would be happy if you shared it!

Ways to avoid compulsive hoarding behavior.

Ways to avoid compulsive hoarding behavior.

Did you walk into someone's house and find it stacked to the point of a messy hoarding? Is your closet full of old clothes you haven't worn in years and can't give up? Has your home, office, or garage become a maze of cluttered narrow hallways? Please read this...

10 ways to resist the fear of the future.

10 ways to resist the fear of the future.

Do you have Fear of the Future? Does this concern go beyond average and logical limits? Has your fear of the future turned into an unjustified terror? Do you worry about the future in general without being associated with a specific future event? Is your fear of the...

What are the signs of self-sabotage and how to overcome it?

What are the signs of self-sabotage and how to overcome it?

Self-sabotage is a term that means that the person himself is the reason for his lack of development and the obstacle to his happiness through some of his behaviors and feelings that lead to obstructing any progress in his life. Self-sabotage is a typical behavior...