20 Behaviors to get rid of seeking to please others

السعي لإرضاء الاخرين seeking to please others

Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

7 July، 2021

Are you always seeking to please others at the expense of yourself?

Do you say YES when you should say NO?

Do you pretend to be CALM when you get ANGRY at others, or LIE and make many MISTAKES for others to accept you?

Have you asked yourself if you bear things beyond your capacity Or something that no one else accepts to please others?

If the answer is yes, then this article is for you.

Positivity in social life is a perfect thing, and complimenting people has a beautiful effect on those around you. Still, you must be sure that your goal to make others happy does not turn into suffering that makes you forget yourself and your needs to make those around you feel satisfied with you or reach confidence with yourself.

If you imagine that constant giving, dedication, and seeking to please others at the expense of yourself is a guarantee of people’s love and respect for you, then know that you are wrong, and you will lose everyone you try to gain his satisfaction with you.

So, We will explain the signs, causes, and problems of this habit and how to get rid of it.

10 signs that you seek to gain the approval of others

1- Pretending to agree with everything and having difficulty saying no to others feeling guilty when she says it.

2- Fear of the anger of those around you or their feeling that you do not care about them.

Emoticons Smiles Positive Joy  - geralt / Pixabay

3- Prefer giving over receiving, even if it affects your comfort.

4- Always apologizing, even when it is not necessary.

5- Putting your needs and desires away from your priorities because you are preoccupied with the feelings of others.

6- Go with the flow, change yourself, and act as others do.

7- Being affected by the negative emotions of others and exaggeratedly feeling your responsibility towards them.

8- You can’t stand disagreements or annoyances between people even if they don’t belong to you.

9 – Fear of showing your true feelings and not recognizing your negative emotions so that others will not be upset.

10- Avoiding and evading disputes, which may make you accept what you do not want.

Reasons for seeking to please others

1- You want everyone around you to love you.

Woman View Water Wave Eyes Face  - geralt / Pixabay

2- Fear of rejection.

3- Fear of others knowing your true personality.

4- Low self-esteem.

5- Believing that you are not socially appropriate.

  1. Desire to appear strong and capable.

7- Feeling threatened just because someone is angry with you.

10 problems that may happen to you when you seek to gain the approval of others

1- Others take advantage of you because they know you will do anything to please them.

2- Allowing others to occupy your free time in activities that are not useful to you.

3- Imitating others and changing your behavior and personality when seeking to please others.

Man Happy Face Smiley Mask  - PDPics / Pixabay

4- Constant physical exhaustion due to fulfilling the desires of others at the expense of your comfort.

5- Damaging your self-esteem and engaging in actions that may be against your convictions and principles.

6- Reaching the point of not knowing yourself and your desires or choosing the best for you or what makes you happy.

7- Wasting your life to make the lives of others better.

8- Psychological exhaustion due to hiding your true feelings, suppressing your feelings, and not showing your anger.

Crowd Of People Crowd People Blur  - Free-Photos / Pixabay

9- Others get used to your comfortable dealings and constant sacrifices.

10- Always waiting for appreciation and praise from others.

20 behaviors to get rid of seeking to please others

1- Putting your needs and personal time as your top priority.

2- Reject what bothers you constantly and realize that your rejection does not make you selfish.

3- Treat yourself with love and respect and understand that you have a choice to accept or reject.

4- Check if you are being manipulated by others or not.

Women Smile Park Pose Girls  - Surprising_Shots / Pixabay

5- Pay attention to what you do and say and try to analyze why and when you start apologizing.

6- Be yourself with others and do not make excuses or explanations for your decisions.

  1. Be clear about your inability to help while understanding the needs of others.

8- Recognize your differences as an individual, respect your interests and opinions, and be aware that disagreements between people are unavoidable.

9- Organize your time and don’t always be available to others.

10- Learn the skills of counteracting your manipulators or exploiters.

11- Set a specific time to help others to find time for your hobbies and interests.

12-Be firm, discreet, and sympathetic to others, and admit your desires calmly, steadily, and clearly.

13-Stop committing yourself to what others expect.

14- Awareness that you don’t have a magic wand for other people’s happiness. 

Street Performer Woman Violin Bow  - Waldemar_RU / Pixabay

15- Acknowledging your negative feelings and not putting on the mask of happiness in front of others.

16-Be kind to yourself; learn the art of saying NO if you were unwilling to do anything for others.

17- Be aware of your limits and know your ability, values, ​​and rights to avoid anyone exceeding them.

18- Set a time frame to help someone not to affect your time and comfort negatively.

 19- Negotiate when making decisions within your boundaries to make your voice heard and reach a point of agreement.

20- Take care of yourself healthily and psychologically; treat it as you treat your friends.


As a person, you must be present and visible because you have things that distinguish you from others, so do not hide your uniqueness. There is no need to dissolve in others or be in conformity with their desires and delete yourself.

Girls Women Gathering Dessert  - RoadLight / Pixabay

Have good manners, learn emotional intelligence and relationship skills, disagree without arrogance, and empathize without humiliation. Do not waste the days of your life to be a good person in the eyes of others because life doesn’t wait for anyone. Where others accept you is a decision that is up to them, not you.


You must know that seeking to please others is an end you do not realize and that the joy of yourself is a goal that you do not leave behind, SO you must leave what you cannot control, which is pleasing others, and care about what you can control, which is your happiness and your life.

If you suffer from a constant quest to please others or suffer from the inability to change and need a life coach, contact us to work together.



INLP center


Sources and references

      • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

      • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / البث 4619494 .

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

    ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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