15 ways to deal with emotional blackmail from the family

الابتزاز العاطفي من المقربين emotional blackmail from the family
shaharsherifcoaching.

Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

16 November، 2021

Before you read this blog, Ask yourself:

Have you been exposed to emotional blackmail from the family?

If your answer is YES, this blog is for you.

In the previous blog, Stages of emotional blackmail from Others and ten ways to deal with It, we explained some types of emotional blackmail, and now we continue what we started.

Emotional blackmail, in general, is a painful method of coercive control of others. Still, when emotionally blackmailed is one of the closest and most loving people to us, it leads to an imbalance in the close relationship with the partner, lover, or family.

Emotional and verbal abuse is no less dangerous than physical abuse because it includes insults, threats, isolation, and control. Emotional blackmail, like any blackmail, is a crime against the blackmailer, and the blackmail is primarily responsible for this crime.

Kristen Hammond said, For blackmailers to succeed, they must know what the target fears. Often a deep-rooted fear, such as the fear of abandonment, loneliness, or failure, is the hidden reason a person falls victim to emotional blackmail.

Therefore,

We will explain some of the behaviors of emotional blackmailers:

  1. They seek to control others and make frivolous apologies.
  2. Avoid accountability and blame others for their actions.
    3. Selfishness and some narcissistic tendencies.
    4. They don’t care about the needs of others.
    5. They refuse to give up or modify their desires.
    6. They use threats and others’ guilt or obligation to reach their goals.
    7. Rationalize their unreasonable demands or behaviors so that they make sense to others.
    8. Accusing or blaming others for something they didn’t do.
    9. Threatening to harm themselves or you.
    10. Pretends love and attachment to the victim.

Because not all emotional blackmailers are evil, they may be the closest people to us and the people who love us most in this world. Still, they may unconsciously want to control us through various techniques that are difficult to measure, and sometimes, we may do behaviors that make us their victims.

So,

Because not all emotional blackmailers are evil, they may be the closest people to us and the people who love us most in this world. Still, they may unconsciously want to control us through different techniques that are difficult to measure. 

Also, we may have some behaviors that we do make ourselves victims to them so we will explain some of the behaviors of victims’ emotional blackmail.

Ten behaviors the victims of emotional blackmail do:

  1. They always strive to please others.
  2. Intense empathy and tendency to pity others.
  3. They accept blame from others and self-doubt.
  4. They strive to avoid conflict.
  5. Fear of anger, abandonment or neglect of others.
  6. A strong sense of responsibility and careful dealing with others.
  7. Fear of loss and a preference for surrender over hurt feelings.
  8. Lack of communication with their feelings and emotional immaturity.
  9. Neglecting their own needs versus the needs of others.
  10. Abide by the customs of peacekeeping.

Some emotional blackmail may be of good intention from close people. Still, in the end, it is a manipulation of feelings and control of thinking and decisions through some patterns of behavior; therefore, we will explain the types of emotional blackmailers.

First, The sacrificial blackmailer:

Sad Actor Beach Black And White  - MariusAlice / Pixabay

      1. Learn the difference between true love, caring, manipulation of emotions, and seeking personal benefit.
      2. Not to comply with any request from someone that involves pressure or control to do something that they want and that you do not wish to.
      3. That your response to someone’s request is not out of fear and insecurity or fear of rejection or paying the price in some way that makes you feel in control of that person.
      4. Find out the reasons for your emotional blackmailer compliance.
      5. Be aware of your weaknesses and be eager to change them.
      6. Take intense action to either improve or end the relationship.
      7. Find out the things that make you afraid or anxious in dealing with others and try to avoid them or treat them with a specialist.
      8. Know the reasons behind the abusive behaviors of those and learn to refuse to repeat them.
      9. Set limits for yourself and decide what is good and what is not acceptable in any relationship to regain your freedom.
      10. Identify and reject the behaviors that make you uncomfortable with others.
      11. Make your message clear to others that emotional blackmail is no longer acceptable.
      12. Practice not giving in to blackmailers.
      13. Practice saying no to any threat, even if it is not an obvious threat.
      14. Reject the threat that does not pose a threat to your life, and be sure that not every threat will be implemented.
      15. Seek the help of Life Coach specialists if you are unable on your own to get rid of emotional blackmail.
    Meadow Field Bicycle Young Woman  - Victoria_Borodinova / Pixabay

    Finally,
    Perhaps the emotional blackmailer uses these feelings unconsciously, or his tongue says that you left him to suffer despite his love for you or despite what he did for you or accuses you of being ungrateful. Still, in the end, behaviors that bother you and pressure you to lead your life and control you.

    So,
    Remember that you are not responsible for the needs and feelings of others, even if they are the closest to you, and that their love for you is never a justification for manipulating your emotions.

    No relationship deserves to consume your energy, happiness, and satisfaction with yourself. Remember that being emotionally abused or blackmailed was not your fault and that you deserve all respect and freedom without pressure.

    Family Love Outdoors Care Together  - Golden_Haven / Pixabay


    If you are a victim of emotional blackmailers and you are still suffering from their negative impact on you, coaching will help you professionally in recovering from these harmful effects.


    Contact us to work together.


    References,
    Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship.
    Forward, S. & Frazier, D. (1998). Emotional blackmail is when the people in your life use fear, commitment, and guilt to manipulate you, HarperCollins.
    Johnson, R. Skip. (2015). Emotional blackmail: Fear, commitment, and guilt (FOG).

       

       

        • The remainder of the previous sacrifices pushes you to do what he wants. Achieve his dreams, regardless of your true desires or what your mind wants.- Exploiting your remorse and inner pain to comply with his wishes.

        For example, Some parents pressured their children to join a type of study or job that the parents would prefer, or that would raise their social or financial position, and the son did not like it or desired another study or job.

         

        • Accusing you of irresponsibility and selfishness for not meeting their demands. 

        An example of that is that they tell you after what I did for you, and after I sacrificed my money and my life, do this to me.

         

        • Work to confuse you and make their demands appear appropriate and much less than the sacrifices made in advance.

        For example, whatever you do to me, it will never equal what I did to you when you were a child, or when you were in need, or when you were sick, and so on.

         

        • Exploiting a sense of responsibility and amplifying the impact of your actions on their lives.

        For example, You know when you upset me, I can get sick

        Second, Punished or threatened blackmailer:

        • By threatening or direct punishment in case of non-compliance with his orders.

                    For example, If you do not carry out my orders, I will deprive you of the inheritance.

         

        • Notifying you of the immediate danger, you may face in case of non-compliance.

                    For example, If you do not obey my orders, I will arrest you or beat you, and so on

        Third, Silent blackmailer:


        Directing the silence and ignoring you emotionally to pressure you to comply with what he wants; usually, it could happen between married people or close friends and siblings.

        For example, Ignoring, quarreling, or endless silence.


        Fourth, Self-punishing blackmailer:

        He threatens to commit, Suicide, abstain from food, or harm himself in any way if you, Don’t follow him,
        Or to Convince you that his suffering is due to your behaviors or mistakes.
        To Hold you responsible for his convenience.
        They could insert themselves into a state of grief to pressure your feelings into compliance.

        For example, Between lovers, if you don’t love me, I will commit Suicide.

        Fifth, Rewarded blackmailer:

        He is the owner of sparkling promises such as,
        – Do what I want, and I’ll buy it for you.
        – If I do what I want, you will be the most important person to me, and so on.

      Clowns Party Costume Halloween  - Ermi_Jack / Pixabay

      The blackmailer may be sincere in his love for you and also may be honest in his suffering. Still, in reality, he uses his suffering to push you to fulfill his desires and dreams regardless of your wants and abilities.
      Simply the point of emotional blackmail is,

      (Either do what I want, or I’ll make you suffer.)

      So,

      Those close relationships in our lives, such as parents, siblings, or a life partner, are considered normal to be exposed to some problems that occur between each other, so it is not easy to distinguish between true love and manipulation of feelings in these relationships.

      For this,

      We will explain how to get rid of emotional blackmail from the family:

      Woman Chalkboard Muscles Power  - Tumisu / Pixabay

        1. Learn the difference between true love, caring, manipulation of emotions, and seeking personal benefit.
        2. Not to comply with any request from someone that involves pressure or control to do something that they want and that you do not wish to.
        3. That your response to someone’s request is not out of fear and insecurity or fear of rejection or paying the price in some way that makes you feel in control of that person.
        4. Find out the reasons for your emotional blackmailer compliance.
        5. Be aware of your weaknesses and be eager to change them.
        6. Take intense action to either improve or end the relationship.
        7. Find out the things that make you afraid or anxious in dealing with others and try to avoid them or treat them with a specialist.
        8. Know the reasons behind the abusive behaviors of those and learn to refuse to repeat them.
        9. Set limits for yourself and decide what is good and what is not acceptable in any relationship to regain your freedom.
        10. Identify and reject the behaviors that make you uncomfortable with others.
        11. Make your message clear to others that emotional blackmail is no longer acceptable.
        12. Practice not giving in to blackmailers.
        13. Practice saying no to any threat, even if it is not an obvious threat.
        14. Reject the threat that does not pose a threat to your life, and be sure that not every threat will be implemented.
        15. Seek the help of Life Coach specialists if you are unable on your own to get rid of emotional blackmail.
      Meadow Field Bicycle Young Woman  - Victoria_Borodinova / Pixabay

      Finally,
      Perhaps the emotional blackmailer uses these feelings unconsciously, or his tongue says that you left him to suffer despite his love for you or despite what he did for you or accuses you of being ungrateful. Still, in the end, behaviors that bother you and pressure you to lead your life and control you.

      So,
      Remember that you are not responsible for the needs and feelings of others, even if they are the closest to you, and that their love for you is never a justification for manipulating your emotions.

      No relationship deserves to consume your energy, happiness, and satisfaction with yourself. Remember that being emotionally abused or blackmailed was not your fault and that you deserve all respect and freedom without pressure.

      Family Love Outdoors Care Together  - Golden_Haven / Pixabay


      If you are a victim of emotional blackmailers and you are still suffering from their negative impact on you, coaching will help you professionally in recovering from these harmful effects.


      Contact us to work together.


      References,
      Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship.
      Forward, S. & Frazier, D. (1998). Emotional blackmail is when the people in your life use fear, commitment, and guilt to manipulate you, HarperCollins.
      Johnson, R. Skip. (2015). Emotional blackmail: Fear, commitment, and guilt (FOG).

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      Sources and references

          • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

          • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / 1.8.14.0. البث 4619494 .

          • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

          • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

        ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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