10 ways to deal with Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail

Written by Shahar Sherif

Life coach and marital relationship consultant. I studied coaching in one of the best American INLP centers, and I am currently lecturing in the same center for Arabic-speaking students.

8 November، 2021

Were you ever a victim of the blackmailer emotionally?

Did you feel like you’re doing everything in your life, forced to please someone else?

Do you fulfill the orders of others just because you pity them?

Do you meet the demands of those you love for fear of their threatening to withdraw from your life?

Do you feel emotional blackmail from others?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions!

This article is for you.

Every person’s daily transactions are generally diverse and complex to diversify their goals, so sometimes we may be polarized by some people to join their world either out of love, out of control, or out of power.


Unfortunately, Some of these goals are not noble and make some fall prey and victim to emotional blackmail.

Meaning of the term “emotional blackmail”:

Emotional blackmail means trying to control someone else, manipulating their emotions and convictions, for some self-serving purpose.

Prisoner Brain Captivity Thinking  - CDD20 / Pixabay

The type of relationship with the emotionally extorted:

It’s a relationship that’s essentially manipulating emotions. It involves false temptations and promises, and it makes you live in disappointment, always reaching out to emotional abuse, trying to isolate you, scare you, and control you by intimidating, exploiting their strengths, or  exploiting your weaknesses to meet their demands,


In short, it’s a relationship that starts with a direct request with a false promise and ends with a threat.

Why some people are emotionally blackmailing others?

1- Need of all kinds

  • Financial need to obtain funds from others to support their demands and well-being.
  • Moral needs and gets the attention and love of others.
  • The community need to overcome isolation and fear of loneliness.

2- Polarization

Remote Control Tv Electronic  - Gadini / Pixabay

  • That is when others need support to obtain a prominent social place such as elections or leadership positions.
  • To get respect from those who are less financially, scientifically, intellectually, or less in age.

3- Exploitation

  • Such as exploiting sick conditions or social status to achieve financial gains through fund-raising

Or to exploit other people’s advertising and marketing to achieve their financial or community gains.

4- Control

  • By notifying others of guilt for not meeting their wishes.
  • Threatening and intimidating others of losing them if they don’t meet their desires or agree with their ideas.

Emotional blackmail usually happens in a sequence, and the intelligent stages of the blackmailer start with begging and humiliation and control the blackmailer to the other side.

Human Robot Surreal Control  - CDD20 / Pixabay


The stages of emotional blackmail:

1-the asking

That is by the blackmailer asking for what he wants directly and clearly from the other side.

2-The resistance

The blackmailer resists the other party’s rejection of his asking by repeating their demands or by showing these demands in a good way.

3-The pressure

To press you with emotions or pressure your weaknesses or convictions.

4– The threat

To increase problems if the other side did not respond to what the blackmailer wants to be threatened by removing him or threatening him with verbal or physical violence.

5-The compliance

That is when the other party complies with the blackmailer because of the stress and threat of the blackmailer’s exhaustion or fear of the blackmailer’s execution.

Excuse Me Sorry Smiley Cute  - Alexas_Fotos / Pixabay

6- Repetition

As a result of compliance from the other party is repeated everything from the blackmailer when he wants something else, and blackmail is his way of getting what he wants.

The result of the emotional blackmail is you will be always under emotional or physical threat, which destroys life and live in constant fear and under endless control.

So we have to be very conscious of the nature of the relationship, caution, understanding the nature of the emotions and explore the inside of a person and understand the words clearly.

The way to deal with emotional blackmail:

1- Determining the relationship from the outset, particularly new relationships in life.

2-Put an immediate end to the relationship in which the emotional extortion is occurring.

3- No hasty judgment of anyone who shows love to you.

4- Awareness of physical exploitation as the most visible type of emotional extortion.

Woman Chalkboard Muscles Power  - Tumisu / Pixabay

5- Say no when we reject something we do not want without shame or guilt.

6- Announce things in their names without having to influence emotional words.

7- Take responsibility for your actions and rely on yourself.

8-Develop yourself and be strong so that you don’t subordinate to others.

9- Stop surrendering to the blackmailer because not every threat is real

10-Ask for help from a Live Coach or a specialist to recover from emotional blackmail


Not all blackmailers are evil, and they can be the closest and most loving people to you and perhaps unconscious to them sometimes.

Game Over Controller Buttons  - mahimzq / Pixabay

But whoever is and whoever intends it doesn’t negatively affect you and your life.

That’s what we’ll explain in the next blog.


Blackmail does not happen without the participation of two parties, which means that you and your behaviors can cause emotional blackmail, so you have to change your life, take control of it, put things in their real names, do not deal with touching words from others and treat it as a fact without proving not all whoever claims friendship is a friend, and whoever says things about love is true love, everything is with evidence.


There is nothing wrong with giving and accepting feelings in relationships. Still, the mistake is giving or receiving feelings for personal gain and advantages because they lose their value and immediately turn from pure love to emotional exploitation and blackmail. You will gain nothing but loss.

Board School Teaching Students  - geralt / Pixabay

If you suffered or still suffer emotional blackmail and need help to get rid of your suffering, the coaching gives you tools to find solutions; call us to work together.

Call now

Reference: INLP center



Sources and references

      • ^ games, n. (1973). Competence and Adjustment in Childhood Schizophrenia Patients and at-Risk Adults, pp. 163-204 in Dean, SR (Editor), Available here.Schizophrenia: Top Ten Prize Lectures. New York: MSS Information Corp.

      • جارميز ص ، ن. ستريتمان ، س. (1974). “الأطفال المعرضون للخطر: البحث عن أسلاف الفصام. الجزء 1. النماذج المفاهيمية وأساليب البحث. ” نشرة الفصام . 1 (8): 14-90. أنهم : 10.1093 / ثقب الشوري / البث 4619494 .

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1971).Kawai Children: A Longitudinal Study from Prenatal to Age Ten. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, ISBN978-0870228609.

      • ^ Werner, E.; (1989).Vulnerable but indomitable: a longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York: McGraw-Hill, ISBN0937431036

    ^ Masten, A.; Better, K.M.; Garmezi, N.; (1990).Resilience and development: Contributions from a study of children who overcome adversity.Outcome and Psychopathology.2 (4): 425-444

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